Today, I've decided to stop. To stop dwelling too much on the things that makes me sad because you're no longer mine. I know there are things waiting for me. And it won't help me if I keep thinking about it. Thinking about the things I should have said.

You're in a better place now. I'll be there soon, wait for it.

Often times I couldn't point out what I love and what would I want to do. There are thousands of basis to that, where one couldn't easily distinguish one from the other. That's why I'd rather not talk about. There are ways to release everything out.

I'm not a writer. Although I've won several contests about script writing. But I was not the "class" writer. Come to think of it, I am a person of art. I paint, I draw, I sing, but not write.

Do you think what I'm doing now is called writing?

I hope so, because I have stories to tell.

I've tried letting you go, but it made me miss you more than ever.

I'm not that type of girl you see walking past the hallway. It's just so weird. I wonder what people think when they see me. I wonder what's running in their heads. Do they think I'm pretty? Normal? Ugly? There are just a lot of things to question about. One after the another. I tend to over think. Sometimes, it becomes uncontrolled. I guess these are the times when I feel so uninspired. Or maybe there's just this huge portion of my individuality that is being consumed by this giant unexplainable matter behind all things. A predetermined force, as they say. I don't know, it's just weird. How you can control yourself but can't control your life? How you can take hold of things but the future is this big intangible object that you anticipate.

Am I dreaming now?

These are actually the times when I wish I ain't invisible. These are actually the times when I want to climb up the social ladder. I guess the main reason for this is that when you wanted to be with someone you know you'll never ever be with.

Is this just a simple crush? Or is this another way to break my heart to pieces again.

I know I shouldn't be babbling about these stuff. But can you blame a child of love a thousand times?

I wanna go to the beach and feel the sand on my toes. I need some fresh air.

Hi Crush,

It's a Friday, we don't have school. I wonder what you're doing, what you're thinking, what you drinking. I wonder if you're with someone else right now.

You see, my head is fucked up.

I always think about you. Yep, every second of everyday.

I can't help but think if you search for my name on the internet like how I do to yours. It's pathetic, I know. But can you tell me how to stop being so damn mesmerized with the way you look?

I don't look forward to any suspensions of classes. You see, that would mean I wouldn't be able to see you. It's so weird, I never felt this way before. Given the fact that this is still a crush.

It's so hard to expect. You know what I mean? Those stares are just stares. I wonder if we can be more than that? It's just, everything's a blur.

But I hope, for at least a split second you'd be mine. Because right now, right at this moment...

You are the most perfect creature I've ever seen in my entire life.

Love,
M.

These are the times when I start to think about my life. These are the times when I begin to ponder about the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. These are the times when I ask myself is it even possible for someone to love me in spite of the imperfections I have.

I know it's shallow, but aren't you guys afraid to actually end up alone?